During the early part of this century, my father, Teddy Roosevelt, used to go on lion hunting trips throughout Africa. One day, he met the beautiful and highly intelligent silent film actress Clara Bow who was sunning herself in the grassy plains. Just before a huge ferocious lion was about to leap on her, my father shot the beast dead, saving Clara from certain death!
They quickly fell in love, and consummated their relationship one week later in a hotel in Marrakech. At that moment I was conceived.
I spent my childhood being pampered by servants, hunting wild animals all over the world with my father, helping him dictate for his memoirs, starring as a child star in silent films with my mother, and all the while studying everything I could about this new thing called motorized flight.
In my teens I developed a new airplane design, which I sold to Curtiss Aircraft. It was a single wing fighter, which the Curtiss company improved on, produced it and later called it the P-40. It ended up being used by almost all Allied air forces during WWII, and played a pivotal role in winning the war.
In my later years, I have gone from designing aircraft for several companies (I was on the design team at BOAC for the Concorde SST, as well as Lockheed/Martin for the F16-A fighter jet), to sitting as CEO for two major aircraft manufacturers.
(he's lying)
I graduated top of my class in Computer Engineering from MIT in 1992. I went on to get my graduate degree in CS at Harvard, and my Ph.D. in Nuclear Computer Counseling Philosophy Engineering at MIT as well. I now currently run Microsoft (Bill Gates is a figurehead), and am President of the United States of America.
I also played professional football as a defensive lineman for the Chicago Bears during their heyday in the 80's. That was tough for me, because at that time, I was also quarterback for the Washington Redskins, tight end for the New York Jets and center for the Tampa Bay Buckeneers. The highlight of my pro football career was during a Monday Night game in 1983, when the Bears played the Redskins, and I sacked myself.
During the 60's, I sang so much like Jim Morrison that when he was too drunk to sing in the recording studio they would call me in. That's me in most of the songs on Morrison Hotel. It got so bad after awhile, they gave me thousands of dollars of plastic surgery to look like him as well. I went on stage for him in many cities until 1970, when I was killed and buried as him to cover up his homosexual relationship with Elvis. I am still buried in Jim Morrisons' grave in Paris to this day.
(he's still lying)